Many people are content with the fact that the elaborate celebration of “thalikettukalyanam*,” which used to last four to seven days at considerable expense, has been shortened through the efforts of the reformers within the Nair community. Given the futility and wastefulness of Kettukalyanam in the current system, it has been condensed to one day, bringing satisfaction to many economically disadvantaged Nair households. Breaking free from the enduring pressure of a longstanding tradition is challenging for those who merely adhere to rituals without a genuine understanding that they are jeopardising themselves, their ancestral homes, and expressing regret by announcing weddings burdened with debt. In this matter, they behave in a conceited manner. These days, when thalikettu marriages are considered futile, opting to avoid them entirely and choosing a solemn and sensible pudavakoda marriage alone, or combining these two approaches where the groom from the previous ceremony* personally ties the thali to the bride after she reaches a suitable age, can be considered a traditional practice without a doubt. However, even those who are educated have exhibited reluctance, adhering to old customs in their personal matters while advocating for reform to others. This creates scepticism among ordinary individuals who may not be aware of these customs, casting doubt on the sincerity of such individuals.

This is an obstacle to the reform of community customs. The success of Nair community reform speeches depends on completely avoiding thalikettu marriages. Instilling confidence in the community at large is possible only through following the customary pudavakoda when the bride reaches a marriageable age. Ritual reforms will not happen quietly. When working towards that goal, there may be opposition and resistance from many individuals, and it could potentially lead to caste discrimination itself. Without any of these, there can be no reformation in the world. How can change occur without upsetting the current situation? Hence, it is imperative for educated Nair community leaders to completely abandon kettukalyanam and advocate for the exclusive practice of pudavakoda marriages.

There is more to be said on this matter. It is disheartening to observe that among the Nairs who opted to shorten the duration of thalikettukalyanam, Pudavakoda has gradually evolved into an elaborate celebration at a significant expense. Some individuals hold the misconception that the more people invited to an event, the more likely it will draw wider attention. As a result, more people are crowded into the celebration hall, and the feast itself extends for a prolonged duration. The dining hall for the feast becomes a scene of much pushing and shoving as people try to make their way there. If there are higher officials or nobles among the invitees, others are often unable to begin eating until the former have finished their meal. As all guests are equally deserving of the host's care, displaying any form of disparity in treatment is inappropriate. This happens when more people than usual are invited, resulting in a significant waste of money. We believe it is high time to reduce both the number of invitations and the costs. Organising a function by inviting only friends, relatives, and neighbours, or alternatively, if the feast is omitted and pan-supari*, etc., are sent, it would result in cost reduction, prevent guest boredom, and save the efforts of many people. Certainly, those who are invited will not decline to attend the function due to the absence of a feast. The only option is to acknowledge that their attendance at the function does not depend on the presence of a feast. So, why should one spend so much money and take risks?

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Translator’s note:

*Refers to a traditional marriage that existed in the Nair community.

•*While the bride remains the same, in both types of marriage, the groom can be the same person or a different one.

•*Offering pan-supari is a custom of showing reverence to the elders during a wedding.